Sample Sunday: "The Wonderful WonderWoods"

The Wonderful WonderWoods, the fifth and final part of the "TOONS" series, is now available on Amazon. Here's a sample:

At that moment, the president stepped through the curtain and onto the stage. His footsteps echoed across the raised, wooden platform, drowned out by the thunderous applause of his executive staff. The elves in trench coats remained silent.



The Masked Executive acknowledged the applause with a wave of his hand as he took his place behind the podium at the center of the stage. "Good afternoon, gentlemen. I trust you all slept well, so let's get down to business, shall we?"

The audience chuckled and leaned forward as one. Some got their notepads and pens ready.

The Masked Executive shuffled through his notes. "At this point in our fiscal year, I believe it would be most prudent to begin the reorganization of our management positions to more clearly define our goals. I shall now begin by reading our previous financial records and contrast them with our projected income."

After a moment of silence, the audience burst into gales of laughter. Elves slapped each other on the back, wiped tears from their eyes, and rolled in the aisles. The Masked Executive watched this spectacle with a blank expression, even considering the fact he had a mask over his head.

When everyone quieted down, and crawled back in their seats, chuckling to themselves, Jingles frowned, stood up, and said, "I don't get it."

The Masked Executive blinked. "What do you mean, 'You don't get it?'"

Jingles glanced over at the other executives for support. "I mean, I don't get it. Maybe if you told the punchline again, slowly, so we get the full effect--"

"You fools! That wasn't a joke! It was the introduction for my financial report!"

"Oh." Jingles scratched his head. "Well, when do you get to the jokes?"

The Masked Executives threw his papers to the floor. "There aren't any! This is a corporation, not a comedy club! Let me make this very clear. You will enjoy yourselves on your own time! From now on, you are here to work!"

Download it today!

"My name is Timothy McGill, and I'm a time travel addict..." Time Junkie, now available in paperback and ebook formats!

Where's Part 5 of "TOONS?"

P.T. Dilloway asked me on Twitter, and you may be wondering as well, where's the final book of TOONS? As I've said before, it's a five-part series and it's actually done. I sent him an advance copy already. Set in the cartoon world of fairy tales and fantasy, The Wonderful WonderWoods brings the anthros to their final battle to confront the Masked Executive and save the world. They also get thrown into the world of magic and fairy godmothers as well.

Its status is kind of complicated. I was going to release it on its own, but I've always intended to release TOONS as a single volume. An omnibus, "full season," collection, whatever you want to call it. I've gone back and forth on whether to release WonderWoods on its own or just release the full collection with it. I guess I'll do two releases, after all.

I'll be releasing WonderWoods on July 16th, 2017. TOONS: The Complete Series should be released two weeks later on August 1, 2017. Stay tuned for more details.

"My name is Timothy McGill, and I'm a time travel addict..." Time Junkie, now available in paperback and ebook formats!

Sample Sunday: "Toons Part 5 - The Wonderful Wonderwoods"

Today, I'll be running a sample for my as-yet unpublished fifth and final book in the TOONS series, The Wonderful WonderWoods. Set in the cartoon world of fantasy and fairy tales, Crafty Wolf finds himself lost in the forest while trying to find the Apex Factory on Sneeka Peak. Along the way, Crafty finds a frog who turns out to be an enchanted princess with some very non-traditional ideas...

Crafty asked, "So you do a lot of this sort of thing?"

The frog looked like she was about to spit at something, but stopped to look at him. "What sort of thing?"

"Well, this hanging around, all enchanted and such."


"No. Why do you ask?"

Crafty shrugged. "No reason. You just seem to know a lot about it."

The frog's tongue lashed out, snagged a fly, and yanked it back into her mouth. She chewed. "Well, it's all in the manual. There's a whole list of stuff in there you can do to get a happy ending. Not much open for women, though, even with a college education. It was either this or get pricked by a spinning wheel."

Crafty nodded.

"Did you know," the frog asked, "that the average prince gets twice the happiness of your average princess with the exact same background in the exact same happy ending?"

"No," Crafty said, truthfully.

The frog grunted. "Princes. They get all the good stuff. Fighting dragons, rescuing damsels, goin' around inheriting kingdoms. All a princess can do is sit around, getting enchanted. And don't even try to take a hand in your own destiny. I tried. There are plenty of damsels in distress. I dare you to find even one knight in distress. Oh, no. Too macho. Too tough. A princess gets cursed, she's out for a thousand years. A prince gets cursed, he just goes traipsing down to the Netherworld, and boom. He's back in business."

"Uh-huh," Crafty said. "Look--"

The frog jabbed one of her forelegs at him. "It's not even worth the effort. I mean, I go to all the trouble of getting a princess license, and look where it gets me. I gotta sit here on a rock, eatin' bugs, and waiting for some man to come along and whisk me off to his palace."

The frog sighed. "Sure, I'll be rich. Sure, I'll be a queen, but I gotta spend the prime of my life scrubbing armor. One day, he'll come home with a new princess, and I'm right back where I started."

The frog stood up on her knobby hind legs. "Well, forget it! I'm gettin' my money back. I'll make my own castle, get my own kingdom, and forget the princes! Where've they been for the last two years, that's what I'd like to know. Well, they had their chance. C'mere!"

The frog hopped across the pond and dove straight at Crafty's lips. She gave him a slimy kiss, and hopped down again. As Crafty hunched over, spitting furiously, she began to transform.

Her head squashed into an oval shape as hair sprouted from the top, extending into long, flowing waves of gold. Her squat, round body elongated, slimming down to a trim, beautiful waist. Her legs stretched out until she towered over him. Her webbed feet thinned and spread into toes. Her sickly-green skin changed to a rosy pink, and a glittering cloth formed over her body. Within seconds, the frog became a beautiful human woman in a white, sparkling gown.

"Right." She adjusted her tiara, picked up a sword, slung it over her shoulder, and thrust a fist into the air. "Down with princes! Princesses unite! The princesses' liberation is nigh!"

"I'm very happy for you." Crafty wiped the slime off his mouth. "Now, if you could tell me the way to Sneeka Peak--"

The frog-princess looked at him. "Why would you wanna go there?"

Crafty told her.

"Neat," the princess said. "Well, one good turn deserves another. You helped me find my goal, I'll help you with yours. I'll get you to the Apex Factory."

Crafty stood up. "Okay, which way?"

The princess pointed towards the north with her sword. "That way!"

She frowned and pointed south. "Uh, or was it that way? Hmmm. Well, come on. We'll ask somebody for directions."

 As she marched up the slope, her gown billowed at her feet. Crafty thought about going the other way, but sighed and trotted up after her.

Maybe this wasn't such a good idea, after all.

"My name is Timothy McGill, and I'm a time travel addict..." Time Junkie, now available in paperback and ebook formats!